Every family is made up of individuals with wants and needs. Every family is different. Add a person…take away a person; and, it changes the family dynamics. Add a need, or take away a need; and again…the whole composition of the family changes. This is to be expected in the life of every family.
Families that are created out of adoption have a multitude of blessings and challenges. The same can be said of families that have special needs children…whether they are born into the family or adopted. The term family falls under an umbrella of accomodations; each person’s wants and needs are accomodated into the family unit (or should be). Your place in the family is guaranteed out of love, acceptance, encouragement and the occasional nudging towards further personal growth. A healthy family is designed to be a personal support system.
My own family has both adopted children and special needs children. We have blessings and challenges like any other family. Those blessings and challenges aren’t JUST related to being a family created from adoption, or of special needs; it is sometimes a mixture of both.
I grew up in a large family and my husband did as well. We are used to understanding that each person is unique. Each person is an individual, as well as, part of a family unit. Often in my sibling group we had wants and needs that conflicted with one another…my husband’s family as well. We had to work out any differences between family member’s expectations. My husband’s family was impacted by some special needs, my family was not. Neither of our families were impacted by adoption. And yet, because we came from large families…some would consider our families to be special needs just because of the number of children. Each person in a family impacts another; that is typical of any family that consists of more than one person. There is no such thing as a “normal” family!
We are blessed with creative thinkers, business minded or logical thinkers, nurturers, artistic individuals, readers, non-readers, free thinkers, outgoing personalities, highly verbal personalities (how come i didn’t get any quiet personality childen?) LOL, musical, non-musical, conformists and non-conformists, high IQ-low IQ, flexible and non-flexible personalities; you get the idea. We are a creative mix of likes and dislikes. It is a balancing act at times trying to meet everyone’s needs. But, it is done because we want to; we desire to recognize each person’s requirements to be successful, to be healthy and happy.
Each family has a story; it has a beginning, a middle and an end. Everyday we are writing new pages to add to the story. Those stories are of interest to others because we can learn from one another. We can share in the laughter, the confusion, the joy, the sorrow, the sense of betrayal or anger that fills a family with a lifetime of experiences. The stories of your family can mingle with other family stories to create a sense of encouragement,failure, discouragement, success, education, or compassion. Experiences can draw people together or set them apart.
Isolation is sometimes a part of family life when you are raising adopted children or special needs children; just because of the lack of understanding; or, perceived lack of understanding, of those in your social circles or community. It is very important to find support in those times of feeling isolated by behavior difficulties or by circumstances.
We must learn to live in the moment…not be defined by labels or expectations. Each day, each moment is open to interpetation. We can stop, we can reread, we can change directions and we can grow and learn. Sometimes people get a label and try to skip all of the chapters in between the beginning and the end…they just want to go to the end of the book and see how the story turns out. It is in the daily living…getting the most out of each and every moment that we are given to live, that we find fulfillment and joy.
So, what’s your family’s story? How was your family created? Is your family life the way you expected it to be? If yes, why? If not why? What would you change if you could? Can you change it? Can you change how you think about it? What impact does your family have on each other; what impact does your family have on others around you? What does family mean to you? What do you love about your family?