Growing Up Special

     I don’t know if you, the reader, are familiar with special needs kids or not; but if you are, you probably already know about the special friendship connection and support that some special individuals give to one another.  I know of a very special young lady who is doing her part to touch the lives of others with her poems, her words, and her website.   She is beautiful and caring; her name is Jackie. 

      Jackie is sharing her gifts with others here on her site: http://iamspecialneeds.com/ .   Jackie “met” a new friend named Michael on video; and, she  said to her mother…he is special like me!  I love that they accept one another for who they are.   Jackie and Michael have shared videos with one another, lending each other positive support and encouragement.   The whole world needs more people like Jackie and Michael.  

       In a world that is quick to look for negative things and point them out to each other…it is wonderful to find two individuals who have words of encouragement and love for each other.  Here is a link to Michael’s video which tells Jackie how he appreciates her new blog.   http://bit.ly/R432F

        If you would be so kind as to visit Jackie’s website and let her know how her site touches you…I know she would feel joyful to hear your comments.   Also, if you would watch Michael’s video and leave a comment I am equally sure it would make his day to hear your thoughts on his generous spirit of good will towards his new friend Jackie! 

        We need to teach everyone to love more, to criticize one another less…and we would all be our best selves now wouldn’t we?

        When you first become a parent you think that love will conquer all things that get in your way while you parent your child.  However, there are somethings that can’t be conquered.  You can’t undiagnose a child who has been labeled special needs; and you can’t be the biological parent of a child that you didn’t give birth to.   As a parent, your greatest tool is love…but love isn’t enough to make bad situations go away.

          However, you can find ways to improve aspects of the quality of your children’s lives; and yours, as the parent of a special needs child or the parent of an adopted child. No matter what the situation, or what the diagnosis is…it doesn’t change the fact that you love your child.

       Disppointment is a real life shadow when experiencing obstacles raising children with challenges.  It can’t be avoided.  But love isn’t enough to change limitations imposed by a specific diagnosis…but, love is enough to find ways to still enable as much independence as possible.  When love isn’t enough to fill up the empty spots left by the void of a biological parent in their lives…it is enough to show compassion and empathy to help them understand that the empty spots don’t have to lead to destructive behaviors. 

         The truth be told; special needs children and adopted children need a strong advocate in life, in school, and in medical settings.   No one knows your child better than you, the parent, and no one will fight harder for them; to get the things that they need, when they need it.  Parents are on the front lines of battle for their child. 

         When love isn’t enough to magically make everything perfect and ok…it is enough to give you the courage and strength to face the challenges before you and your child; and to find ways to be successful and achieve the milestones in life, that you know your child will benefit from.  Love is enough to provide acceptance and encouragement to be growing as a person to be the best person that they can be.

        I have been reading a book called, Love You To Pieces.  It is a collection of written pieces on raising special needs children; some pieces are true and some are fiction.  It is a book rooted in real life challenges facing parents of special needs children.  It is not a Hallmark moment kind of book filled with false illusions of perfection. 

         Every family that faces issues in raising special needs children finds themselves learning how to do it in a way that is workable for their particular family.  No one can go to a doctor or a website and find a perfect way of coping that is workable for each and every person in that situation.  There is often no right way to do it.  Many times in raising our children we have to learn as we go.  Sometimes what worked the day before no longer works and we must adjust our technique.

         This book showcases the emotional and the practical side of parenting challenged children.  It is real and gut wrenching and truthful.  The physical difficulties that parents face as their special needs child grows and their abilities do not.  The doctor appointments that reveal multiple challenges that were unexpected.  The public perceptions that both hinder and inspire progress.  Siblings that are supportive and friends and relatives that are not.  Relationships that support each other and relationships that flounder under the strain.  Moments of denial and acceptance.   Judgements and advice by people who have no real idea of what it takes to raise a special needs child successfully.   Parenting is a strange mixture of courage and fear…searching for answers that we are sometimes unwilling to accept.  These are issues that we all find ourselves in when parenting special needs children.

           Often times, parents of special needs children feel isolated.  It is a fine balance of looking for opportunities to socialize and educate our children in environments that will impose no further harm or damage upon our children.  This book is a validation of so many issues, that we face, that it is somewhat comforting to know that we are not alone in our struggles.  It is a book worth reading.  It was written by Suzanne Kamata who is a fiction writer for an online magazine, Literary Mama.  The publisher is Beacon Press; their website is:  www.beacon.org and the book was copyrighted in 2008