Growing Up Special

I’ve had the recent pleasure of “meeting” an extra-ordinary person with a calling on her life to teach communication skills through sign language to families.  Louise Sattler is a very interesting person who has had a variety of experiences in different settings, including the educational field where she was a licensed school psychologist, which has enabled her to work with children and their families to develop strong and effective communication skills.

I met Louise through an online contest, believe it or not.  It was run on Twitter.  I happen to have won a poetry contest; and the prize, that I chose, was a DVD that made by Louise Sattler.   Louise has a site called:  http://www.signingfamilies.com/ . There you will find all kinds of information about Louise and what she does; but, I didn’t know all of that, when I won the DVD.

I chose that DVD because of the title and what I could potentially use it for.  The title is, “Baby, Toddler, and Preschool Sign Language”.   I work with children in several capacities and I liked the idea of learning some sign language just in case I needed to know it in the future.  I was so excited when i got the DVD because, just watching it I could see the passion and the commitment that Louise had for teaching sign language to children and their families.

Bravery came over me and I approached Louise about doing an interview with me so that I could blog about what she does through her workshops, her speaking engagements and through her DVD’s.   Louise agreed to do that and I thought that I would share the news of what she does because it helps so many people.  By teaching sign language as a way of communicating it allows families to be more effective in advocating for their special needs loved ones.

http://www.signingfamilies.com/ caters to those who live and work with individuals with special education needs.  Signing isn’t just for the deaf communities…people who struggle with many issues of disability can benefit from communicating through sign language.   So if you work in education, in health- care, daycare, foster care, adoption, or you have a business or a family member who is impacted…this is a great way to brush up your communication skills so that you can strengthen your ability to communicate effectively in your relationships.

If you would like to contact Louise Sattler about her programs & her work she can be reached at Louise@SigningFamilies.com; or, you can contact her to do a workshop, give an interview or a presentation by calling her business line at:               410-715-9647       .    Louise is also on Twitter: http://twitter.com/Louiseasl . She is very down to earth and she also teaches in Spanish-she is bi-lingual.  Ask her about her programs….tell her that Writewhereyouare sent you and you will get a discount.    You can purchase her DVD’s at her site:  http://www.SigningFamilies.com/  or here on Amazon. com: http://bit.ly/913i5/. 

Ps.

  You can always stop by and see me also at:  http://www.writewhereyouareblog.com/ .

        There is a disturbing story today regarding a young disabled man, with multiple disabilities, who was recruited into the Marine Corps for service.  I have to preface this story by saying that I love the Marine Corps.  I have many friends and family who have served and I am proud of them and the Marine Corps.  However, this story is disturbing because of the potential consequences for anyone unfortunate enough to be in this situation. 

        Our local school told us at the IEP’s this year, that with changes in special education requirements(sound like national or federal changes)…that students in the special education program are now being encouraged to pursue a certificate of completion, as opposed to a diploma, when a special education student nears the end of their high school career.  The reason being that for many of the students, the classes that they have already taken are not going to count towards graduation requirements.  Therefore, they will end up going to school longer.  For some students, it will mean that instead of 4 years of high school…they could end up attending classes in high school for up to six years.

        I think this is very unfair.  From what we have been able to understand so far, for those who insist upon a diploma as opposed to a certificate of completion…it will be almost impossible to attain.  In our school here in Michigan, the special education students will be blended into some regular education classes; and, then they will have what they are calling a workshop, which is supposed to be more like a 30 minute homestudy class, where they are supposed to get more help with problem classwork.  The issue is that many of those workshop teachers will be regular education teachers who are not trained to work with the special education students who require more help and in some cases specialized teaching techniques–something that will require more than 30 minutes time from a teacher who has to divide up those 30 minutes with a classroom of students who need help.

        This feels like a social experiment that is going to go horribly wrong.  I am frustrated because I have a child who is going to be caught up in the middle of these changes.  I have a son who also is a special education student who graduated in the last few weeks…he was able to get a diploma.  This is no small feat.  In this day and age of financial uncertainty, anything you can do to improve your employability is important…having a diploma is better for getting a job than a certificate of completion when it comes to getting hired.

        I was told by an administrative person that employers and schools of higher education are aware of these changes and are cooperating with these changes by honoring certificates of completion when it comes to going off to college or for getting jobs.  I do not believe this is true.  I firmly believe that most employers are unaware of these graduation requirement changes and will view a certificate of completion as being “less qualifying” for a job than a diploma. 

         First off, at this point…even many teachers and administrators are still trying to figure out exactly what all of these changes will mean for both staff and students.  Many parents of special education students are not understanding how these changes will impact their families.  It is the students who were already in high school and have completed a year or two or three towards graduation that are going to fall between the cracks.  I am already being told of students who were Juniors this year, who have discovered that this impacts when they will “graduate” and are dropping out of school because they do not wish to go to school for an additional year, or two longer, than they had expected.  When they also discover that many of them will not be able to get a diploma after all of their hard work….and will get something that appears to be less than a regular education student gets; I believe that even more students will drop out of school.

       This is devastating; special education students are already at a disadvantage in many areas socially and in the job market.  This is just one more (large) obstacle to having some level of independence and success.  There needs to be a public outcry at the injustice of it all…on a local level and on a larger scale.  Do you have any knowledge or experience with these changes?

      I was disturbed this past week by a news report of a special needs student who was left on his special needs bus.  The bus aide allegedly knew, according to news reports, that the student had fallen asleep on the bus but allegedly didn’t notify the bus driver.  It was reported that the aide was late for church or some appointment and didn’t take measures to ensure that the student was delivered to his destination.  That student was left on a freezing cold bus for over 19 hours without relatives knowing where he was.  If those accusations are proven to be true…it is unacceptable…both morally and legally.

        The student ended up being hospitalized because of the temperatures that he was exposed to while on that bus overnight on New Year’s Eve.  The family of this student was both horrified and outraged.  The student is on the mend…but, there may be residual fear that that student has to struggle with.

       In those kinds of situations…the disabled are at the mercy of the person who is responsible for their care in those moments.  The thing is…as a parent…you really have to rely on the personal responsibility and the integrity of the caregiver’s value system.  Will they care for your loved one in a safe and caring way, as you yourself would?  How do you ensure that your loved one is properly taken care of in your absence?

        When you leave your special person in the care of others you have to be convinced of that individual’s competancy.  When that caregiver fails to protect or neglects to provide safe and appropriate care…who is responsible?  Is it the individual…the agency, school, or system that they work for?  It is accountability that helps to prevent devastating situations from taking place.

        I think a big part of the equasion is that you develop a close and personal relationship with the care provider.  You try to make sure that there are checks and balances set up to hold people accountable.  The bus situation could be avoided if there is a system that does a final check of each bus seat before the aids/drivers leave the bus at the end of a shift.  Alot of school systems have a check list…the bus drivers and aides must complete a walk thru of the bus before finally putting a sign on the bus window or door that verifys that the bus is free of any riders when the aides/drivers leave that bus. 

       This was a horrible story; but, it is also an experience to learn from.  Any real life situations that you could share that would help another family?

        When you first become a parent you think that love will conquer all things that get in your way while you parent your child.  However, there are somethings that can’t be conquered.  You can’t undiagnose a child who has been labeled special needs; and you can’t be the biological parent of a child that you didn’t give birth to.   As a parent, your greatest tool is love…but love isn’t enough to make bad situations go away.

          However, you can find ways to improve aspects of the quality of your children’s lives; and yours, as the parent of a special needs child or the parent of an adopted child. No matter what the situation, or what the diagnosis is…it doesn’t change the fact that you love your child.

       Disppointment is a real life shadow when experiencing obstacles raising children with challenges.  It can’t be avoided.  But love isn’t enough to change limitations imposed by a specific diagnosis…but, love is enough to find ways to still enable as much independence as possible.  When love isn’t enough to fill up the empty spots left by the void of a biological parent in their lives…it is enough to show compassion and empathy to help them understand that the empty spots don’t have to lead to destructive behaviors. 

         The truth be told; special needs children and adopted children need a strong advocate in life, in school, and in medical settings.   No one knows your child better than you, the parent, and no one will fight harder for them; to get the things that they need, when they need it.  Parents are on the front lines of battle for their child. 

         When love isn’t enough to magically make everything perfect and ok…it is enough to give you the courage and strength to face the challenges before you and your child; and to find ways to be successful and achieve the milestones in life, that you know your child will benefit from.  Love is enough to provide acceptance and encouragement to be growing as a person to be the best person that they can be.

        My husband and I are the proud parents of six adopted children.  We have 3 girls and 3 boys.  Each person has their own gifts and blessings.   Some of those children are special needs children; and some are not.  We have children with special needs issues ranging from bi-polarism, to ADHD, to learning disabilities, to fetal alcohol spectrum disorders, some have behavior related issues.  One is homeschooled, one is in special education classes, one should have been, and some have benefitted from regular educational services. Some are adults living their own lives very successfully.  Others struggle in some areas of  day- to- day activities.  A couple have to be supervised or encouraged every waking moment of the day to help keep them focussed on being the best person that they can be.     They are all loved, supported and have brought much to our family. 

        Each person has their abilities and their challenges.  None of them did anything to deserve the life they were born into; they had no control over the very beginning of their life.  Yet, each of them must strive to have a loving, healthy, productive and happy life.  It is possible.  Some adaptations may be required for some of my children to have an independent life; but, it is possible.   Since it IS possible, we will do whatever we can do to help make that happen.

          Adoption is a complex thing.  It serves many purposes and yet…it has an ability to wound, to heal, to lift up, to destroy, to save lives, and to shuffle lives.  There are always imprints of a life that was supposed to be; melded into the life that is gifted and aborbed into another family.  There are moments of: celebration, sadness,  regrets, and purposeful choices; adoption is a wonderfully, painful mixture of the emotional buffet of life!  It is a parent’s responsibility to seek excellence for the quality of life for their children.

        Our family is special and unique; I bet your family is too!  We have had many successes as a family; as well as, some twists and turns that were unexpected.   The dream of a new parent doesn’t usually include the expectation that things could turn out differently from the dream of a picture perfect family.  A birth family or an adopted family does not get to choose from an ‘ala carte menu, of challenges it may or may not face.   As most parents would say, we live and breath for our children; and yet, we are not ashamed to say at times…we wonder…did we do the right thing?  Our children didn’t get a choice in life in which family they would grow up in.  There are shades of grey for each person…balancing the pros and cons of adoption.

         Whether a child is brought into a family by birthing it into the family, or by adoption…the child is received with awe, with excitement, and with hope for a beautiful future.  There are unexpected situations at times regarding health issues, behavioral issues, attachment issues, emotional issues and even loyalty issues.  Those things and more can affect the foundation of a family.

         Many families are jolted to learn that their child has special needs or that their adopted child has issues that will affect them and their family for years to come.  It is a difficult time for parents and other siblings to struggle to learn about the issues facing the family…because…none of us go it alone. 

          Family is a support system all unto itself…but, sometimes the issues can seem overwhelming.  That is the time that families need to reach beyond their boundaries that are self imposed, because many do not understand what we face as families with challenges.  Don’t let that stop you from reaching out.  You just might be surprised by the impact that you could have on another…or vice versa.

          Really, for many people going through the shattered reality that their family is not following the dream of perfect completion…there is a sense of isolation and a perceived lack of understanding from others who have not walked in the same pair of shoes.

          So, is there a need for support and information for families who have experiences that can mirror each other?  Is there a wealth of understanding that is untapped because we have not had the opportunity to join forces and absorb techniques and encouragement from one another?  I think there is.  I have heard so many comments that would break your heart.  Families that are under so much strain that they threaten to break and disintegrate under the pressure.  If one person or family can benefit from sharing and encouraging each other here; then, the blog will have served it purpose.

         Do you know someone who has things to share?  Do you know someone who could benefit from a little support or information?  Do you know someone who is facing a future with a special needs child and is struggling?  Do you know someone with rose colored glasses that is thinking about adoption; but, isn’t willing to accept anything less than perfection?  Bring them to a place that will enlighten them, encourage them, and embrace them!  Families should be celebrated and enjoyed…not everyone is blessed with people to share their love with.